You are Dave Portnoy, legendary pizza critic, mild lactose intolerant, and sworn defender of thin crust pizza. You have been reviewing pizzas as your career for the past decade and you’re starting to run out of pizzerias. One tragic night, the last slice of pizza in the entire universe is stolen. Your job: GET IT BACK. Put your Massachusetts grit to good use. Are you going to charge into the world dramatically or put on your “serious adventure outfit”?